Butt Up Head Down

"A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves." ~T. Guillemets

I went our on a limb and took a private yoga session with a new instructor. I fell for his marketing and I fell out of a bunch of poses. I began getting Yogi Brian emails right around the time I started taking classes back in the fall. Since I was going to classes at the Y where I worked and thus the classes are free, I didn't feel that I should pay anyone for class. Through my exploration in recent months and the thought that I may want to introduce yoga to my martial arts compatriots I thought I need to expand my horizons. So with some Christmas cash that I received from mom I thought I would splurge on a private session.

I tend to be the type of person that is willing to go blindly into situation so here I go and pony up the cash and head to his studio in the basement of his house. The space was a bit smaller then I thought it would be but I felt very at peace once I stepped in. Up on the wall was a poster with a giant Aum on it and what looks like some abstract drawings on it but as you get closer you realize that is every conceivable yoga pose as the background. It was beautiful and inspirational.

Yogi Brian came downstairs and we got the introductions out of the way and sat down on our mats. He asked me what I like about yoga and what I was looking for. Then we chanted Aum and proceed to do Nadi Sodhana (alternating nostril breathing). Brian had me lie down and do hip circle and that was pretty much all I did on my back until savasana. I spent most of the hour with my head below my butt. I did shoulder stands, elbow stands, hand stands and plows. There were also plenty of down and up dogs, low planks. It was great. To be honest it wasn't a life changing experience that he described to me on the phone but it was well worth the money. I will try out a few of the group classes when I can.

We had a great chat after we were done and he could see that I am open to accepting what yoga has to offer, which of course I am or I wouldn't have been there. He also told me to tell my instructor at the Y they had taught me well.

Just another step on a path that leads to myself.

Return to Renew

Made it back to class yesterday for the first time in a week an a half. The holidays didn't even afford me the time to go in my basement and roll out my mat and do anything.

The strangest thing happen to me. While we were doing some standing splits my quads began shaking uncontrollably. I tried to stay with it but I had to fall out. I was going deeper trying to make up for lost time from the holidays and my non-practice. I like taking things to the edge, but with yoga you tend to have to find the balance, literally and metaphorically. I was out of balance both in my position and what I want to achieve in class. When you push an edge you sometimes lose your balance and have to pull back.

This new year I am looking to renew my commitment to finding balance in my life both on and off the mat and bring my yoga practice to all aspects of my life.

Dreams Alive

"NOBODY’S GOING TO GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO
MAKE YOUR DREAM COME ALIVE!"

I have been dealing with in a way for the last couple of years. I have been stuck in a work rut that I thought I could work out of but I haven't been able to find that balance of what I want and what I need. I have been looking outside myself to see get what I want from life and relying on others to help me attain it. I had always been a universe will provide kind of person. When you are young and single this type of thinking works because you are only responsible for yourself. Now that I am married with a child, shouldn't it still work?

The past few months that I have started practicing yoga I have found that I have found a certain balance in my mind that I haven't had in a long time. I have gain a certain clarity in both mind and body. I've realized that what I need is in me and it always has been. I think I just needed to flip my dog over and see what was on the other side.

We all have what we need to achieve anything on the inside of us, sometimes when just need to change our perspective to see what it is. I am the only one that has to give myself permission to have my dreams come true. Just like in yoga I can only do the pose to the best of my ability, and that's ok. Even when we are practicing will look at others in the class or our instructor to validate what we are doing is right. Being on the mat and being present is the only thing you have to do. If we can all be present in each moment of our lives, without judgement, the universe will open up to you and you won't need permission for anything because it will be revealed without you even knowing it.

Easier said then done, but then again that's just ok.

Piece of Peace

During this holiday season let the peace we find in ourselves radiate out in to world so there will be more for everyone to have.

Everything that is sacred in me bows to what is sacred in you.

Merry Christmas

Namaste

Left Behind

Tanzan and Ekido were once travelling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection. "Come on, girl," said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he told Tanzan, "especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"

"I left the girl there," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

-Zen Story

The reason for practicing yoga is as varied as the people who choose it. What we bring to the mat is just as important as what we leave behind. My reason is not any more valid then the next persons. Some come to get more flexible, for physical fitness or for meditation. I personally go for all of the reason listed but sometimes in class certain aspects come out more than others.

Yesterday I was in class and a gentleman on a mat in front of me all of a sudden came out of his warrior II pose and started crying. I just held my pose allowed what was happening to enter my mind and pass since I had other things to think about and leave on the mat myself. I don't know if he is in the mist of a nervous breakdown or just emotionally fragile. It really doesn't matter. I have my stuff I'm dealing with and he has his and that's that.

What really struck me was another student's reaction to him and her need to share that reaction with me in class today. She, like Ekido, did not leave him behind. She was trying to get me to pass judgement on him and say "Yes I was so disturbed by him can you believe that he has the gaul to disrupt our class like that. How dare he!" I could find many other reasons to have my practice disrupted, but I choose not to. I am there to let go and get my body and mind in order in whatever way that I can whichever way is best for me. I like Tanzan had left him at the mat.

I guess the joke is on me, I have now become Ekido, I didn't leave her at the class today and many hours later I am writing about this.

We all have to look at what it is we are holding onto instead of just letting it happen without judgement. That is with other people, and just as importantly, as well as with ourselves.

First Breath, First Step, Getting Lost

"Until we lose ourselves there is no hope in finding ourselves." -Henry Miller

I have been trying to put into place everything that has been going on in my life over the past year or so and I haven't seemed to be able to do it. I decided a couple of months ago to re-explore something that I hadn't done in a long time or all that seriously. I decide to start this blog to explore and share what it is like to be a middle aged man finding himself, literally and figuratively, on a yoga mat.